I sit here in this cold dark house watching the rain spit at the windows.
I feel spat on today. I feel rejected, old and discarded like an old sofa in some derelict house.
Lumpy and uncomfortable, stained with piss, shit, tea and coffee - weird and baroque nicotine fungi flowering in the sediments of my ancient crumbling springs.
On days like this, I know so intuitively and so deeply - the material world is evil and deceitful. Like a costumed spiv at a fairground sideshow, I see its malignant eyes flash in shallow mirth, reflecting the steely cold of nothingness behind the tatty but pretty facade of visible things.
The scientist James Jeans, back in the 30's called matter 'bottled light'- decelerated energy reduced to banal, objective corporeality.
The collapse of the wave function has never seemed such an appropriate term for my present malaise.
Where are you now spirit? The Grecian Daemon, the Egyptian Ka, the Roman 'genius', the old flaky Ghost in the machine?
The machine has won for today. I am reduced to a dumb, metallic, mechanized algorithm, tapping out a turgid Morse code to cold interstellar space.
Major Tom to ground control, I'm floating in the most peculiar way, and the stars look very different today.
Come back here right now Daemon!
Popped out for a fag break have you? Hit the road in search of a younger, more palatable and promising host?
You fickle and feckless mistress, you tuppenny strumpet!
Never mind, maybe the Goddess will grace me with her esoteric presence this eve, or even Charon bobbing about in the moonlight would liven things up a bit.
Yes, I feel better already!
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It is so true that the material world is evil and deceitful. "The steely cold of nothingness..." How true it is, but not always. Sometimes there are a few moments of bliss, insights and discoveries. I try to stay with these moments. "I am reduced to a dumb, metallic, mechanized algorithm..." I think it is about all of us and how we feel sometimes. It is about me when I need to slow down and see, feel and smell every turning leaf, every drop of rain... Sometimes I feel that I am out of touch with earth and life and I need to come to my senses before I lose them. I love this post a lot!
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